I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
