i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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