Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she pinky promised me she was 18
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
