I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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