so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
