he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
