if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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