I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
