laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
