do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
