I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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