I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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