I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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