hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
