We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
