I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
