This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My hand turned me down
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
