Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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