There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
