I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
