he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
