it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
