this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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