Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
