he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
