It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
