Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
