..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
