Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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