omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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