Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize