you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
