I can tuck mytits in my pants
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
