her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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