I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
