So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
