Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
