how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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