I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
