i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize