I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
