Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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