There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
