I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
