i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
