You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
