its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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