I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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