dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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