do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
