She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
