I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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