my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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