Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
