she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
