i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
