ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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