i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
did i walk over a car last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
