Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
