atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
