Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
