Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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