Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
