Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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