I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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