sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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