I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
