I think I just saw someone hide a body.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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