I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize