tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
