once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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