I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
