THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You are a genius and a whore.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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