R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
