some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
