Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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