But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
