i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
