I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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