I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
