So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
try to milk me bitch
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