all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
