I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize