Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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